Isolation

It's about 4 years since I came here where I always want to forget and threw everything into nothing-less. Except home, nowhere makes me relieve. Someone will say it's obvious and undeniable but I still wanna confirm that truth.
" Isolation, it's not good for me" - The lyric of  "Lemon Tree" song sometimes reminds me but I can't make up my mind that what to do to make my life better. My friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand. They are really good to me but they can be by my side every time I'm in need.
I must sacrifice something for my future. It is all I can say to comfort myself. I face my neighbors everyday without greetings, if they say "Hello" or " Good morning!"... I just reply with a smile. I know obviously it's my fault but I can do nothing because of my unrevealed reason.
I'm living and going against common sense. Why? Why must I do that? If you love someone, you want to be near them and lean on them but if I do that I will hurt them. It means that I must avoid my beloved as far as possible. Although my neighbors will look down on me because of my rude behavior, from the bottom of my heart I want to say sorry to them.
ISOLATION is like a BIG CAGE which I really want to break but I have to find the best way to do to avoid hurting my beloveds.

Lemon Tree